Today began a bit dreary. It’s not because it is raining or that the sky was gray and hanging closer to the ground than usual. No, it had nothing to do with the weather. I love rain, especially at night because I consider the ‘music of rain’ to be a lullabye. It was more a feeling of anxiety. I think this feeling began when I posted a purple heart on the Facebook HIDE A HEART Fan Page http://www.facebook.com/hideaheart to acknowledge that September is Cancer Awareness Month and to recognize those who have had, are going through or recovering from treatment for cancer and for those who love and support them.
I have a walking group and I take solice in the comfort that we walk four miles pretty much 4 out of 7 days a week. We happily chat for about an hour while walking, then reward ourselves with a cup of coffee at the end of the walk. We are a group with diverse political opinion and so there is much discussion in trying to solve the world’s problems through our ‘individual lense’.
This morning one of our group invited her sister-in-law to join us. I know this woman too and spent the entire walk chatting with her about this and that, nothing too seriously until we ventured into the arena of ‘cancer’.
I don’t really think much about having had cancer. I NEVER refer to it as “MY” cancer…who want’s to ‘own it’? But, I’m willing to share any ‘lessons’ or ‘insights’ I developed while wrestling with diagnosis, decisions about treatment, recovery and how I managed to reinvent myself.
The lady with whom I walked this morning is recovering from breast cancer and reconstruction surgery and AFTER CARE. After care is totally emotional and internal…has nothing to do with the body’s injury and everything to do with the psyche’s. We discussed food choices and avoidance. We talked about how we each had coped with having cancer. She with praying. I with trying to figure out how I was ever going to recognize myself once I lost what I considered to be my devine and defining gift. My ability to sing.
I decided to keep a journal and once recovered, I mailed it to Paris without a return address. I didn’t want to ‘re-read’ about those 12 weeks of shock, anger, disappointment, fear, acceptance, treatment and two years of recovery, but when one begins to talk about it, one raises to the surface the bits that might not have been laid to rest.
And so it was this morning while on a perfectly pleasant walk and chat and cup of coffee that I felt those bits begin to surface and tears welled up…again… but thankfully not for long, which tells me the bits are less potent than they once were and therefore, I believe, healing continues in ‘good progress’. I shared with this lady that HIDE A HEART has been the catalyst, then she purchased a HIDE A HEART.
A well-spring of healing occurs in me when working on HIDE A HEART projects. Today I spent several hours working on new packaging for the best presentation of the ‘PetsyMpathy’ heart. I set up goals for next week when I will be calling on the Humane Society and some local Pet Stores and veterinarians. I also assembled samples for a local Market home goods buyer interested in giving HIDE A HEART a closer look and I followed up on some other leads. The day took flight like a jet breaking the sound barrier.
I have noticed that there are some very l-o-n-g gaps between the time I send samples and when I receive responses to the samples. Of course I know I’m not the only one sending samples and that people are busy…shoot, I’m busy…but I have to admit those long gaps in time sometimes undermine my confidence and put a pall on my enthusiasm. If you knew me, you wouldn’t believe I could EVER have a low point in either of those arenas. I am determined to think of these gaps as ‘tests in patience’ and while I’m not yet an expert at practicing patience, I’m less irked by the lesson.
I’m the kind of person who responds to the inquiry, “How are you?” with “GREAT! I’m just GREAT!” and I mean it. You see I really do embrace and practice the concept of ‘acting as if’ and it pays off in both good will and raised spirits most of the time and that brings me to the reward of the day.
After returning from a ‘girls night in’ dinner with 5 other women, I decided to look in my favorites list to catch up on some blogs and here is the bright spot on this rainy day: http://www.handmadespark.com/blog/five-for-friday-highlights-from-new-hs-sellers/#comments Thank you HANDMADE SPARK for lighting up the 1:00 AM night sky…it’s just beautiful.